As I sit here soon after the release of my debut book, I have been questioning myself. What message am I trying to get across to the LGBTQ youth and young adults that are my target audience? What have I been through that is relatable? What can I do to help my community and promote change?
Much of my book “As Told By Us” was inspired by real life events. Sure my book is a murder mystery, sure it is classified as fiction, but my life events helped mold the story of Layla. One very large chapter in my book (“Jade”) was probably the most influenced by real life events. I don’t want to use the word “victim” because I am not, and was never helpless… but I was certainly somebody that had experienced an abusive and toxic relationship. While I was in this relationship I was blinded by what I thought to be love. I thought things would change. I thought I could change this person… but my “Jade” was simply not going to change. I experienced physical and emotional abuse for nearly three years. I tried to cope. I tried talking to friends and family about it and they would tell me to “just leave” or “you’re doing it to yourself.” I called the cops after being physically assaulted, they did not take me seriously and no report was filed. The cops were called after neighbors witnessed me being assaulted through a window, yet again, the cops did nothing. I literally felt trapped, and like I was suffocating. I would silently cry myself to sleep at night, I would drink until I would forget, and I would write.
Writing became my outlet. I started a blog: “Life As We Know It” ( http://siciligm.blogspot.com/ ) which spilled over with poetry, short stories, and words that I wouldn’t dare mutter. Here I am, five years after breaking free from this relationship, five years after chosing to live MY life the way I wanted to, five years after learning to love myself (which is still a process every day). I chose to take MY life back. “As Told By Us” was started in a secret file on my computer while I was in this relationship. I knew it would be destroyed if I disclosed too much of it to anyone. I had to have my story heard.
Writing became my therapy.
Now, I want to help other people in my community. I want to speak out against domestic violence and shine light on the fact that is DOES happen in LGBTQ relationships. Domestic Violence is too often portrayed to be a heterosexual problem due to the heteronormative nature of our society. WAKE UP. It goes so much deeper. Just because partners are of the same sex or part of the LGBTQ community doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. I want to be the one to start this discussion. I want to be the one to open the eyes to those that have looked away, to those who have brushed this issue under the rug. I am so fortunate to be where I am today, but I know so many of our brothers and sisters are not. So many of them are no longer with us whether from suicide, violence, drugs, alcohol… The time is NOW. I will advocate for US.
“Approximately 23 percent of LGBTQ men and 50 percent of LGBTQ women experience abuse from their intimate partners (VAWNET). This means that members of the LGBTQ community are slightly more likely to experience abuse than straight couples.” – http://www.thehotline.org/2012/06/lgbtq-relationships-and-abuse/
Never for one moment doubt that we lack resources.
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1800-799-7233
About The Author
